Someone Who Plans Everything Learning to Embrace Series of Changes

Hey Daizies!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful year so far. I wanted to take some time to blog about how life is going and what I’m feeling as one chapter in my life closes and another one begins.

February is almost over and just like that I have only 3 weeks of college. I’ve seen 3 weeks and 3 months pass by, so I know it’s only a matter of time before I am finishing the last question of my last final. I’ll walk out of the classroom and that’ll be it. I’ll really be done. I’ve probably dreamed of this day for forever! This quarter is the first quarter since my semester abroad where I could really breathe. I only have two classes and they aren’t the type where I have to put in extra hours to study and go to tutoring and just pray I pass. I’m actually doing just fine. And the thing I smile about is that everything I was worried about during my time in college, worked out to how it was supposed to. These classes that I feel confident about are both Information Systems classes. The subject I was so nervous and sometimes felt inadequate of taking or even adding it as my second business concentration. It worked out.

It Feels Good to Breathe

I wake up on Mondays, whenever I want just as long as it’s before 12:15pm. I go to class and lowkey can’t wait till it’s over. I don’t have a to-do list full of things I so desperately need to finish. I could go to the gym, go to the mall, get my nails done, and even come home and watch 2000s black movies.  It feels so good to breathe. I worked so so hard to be in the place where I have my dream job after college and where I can feel good about what I’ve done in college. I’ll never forget the grind though. Last quarter up until about mid-November, it was rush rush rush. Every hour of the day was dedicated towards something school or recruiting related. And any moment or second I wasn’t busy felt like I was wasting time. I’d be lucky if I could sneak in an episode while I tied my hair up for the night and woke up to do the same thing over again. I remember the panic in my heart as I knew this one test could make or break my ability to stay above a certain GPA which meant scholarships, job opportunities, or even getting into my major. I remember going to office hours twice a week, finding the perfect Youtube professor, and reading the lectures and book chapters before class for a whole quarter, only to get a 2.0 in the class in the end. I remember calculating my grades and assignments mid-quarter to see what the absolute worst case scenario could be that still meant passing the class. I struggled up until my senior year when I thought everything would suddenly become easier. I worked so so hard. And now it’s time to celebrate and just be proud of myself.

A Little Nervous Though

Sometimes my heart beats a little faster thinking about a whole new life ahead. A different schedule. Different responsibilities. Moving. Figuring things out. Having a real job. This routine, people around me, and the atmosphere are all so familiar. I’m comfortable. It’s comforting. So yes I’m a little nervous of having college end. I’m gonna miss the experience. The experience of growing up and learning. Finding things to do around Seattle, the memories, and the excitement of college life. But I am so glad I did everything I wanted to do in college. I took risks. I lived. I know there’s more living to do so I try not to feel like college is the only time I can be fun and adventurous lol! There’s gotta be more on the other side, even though the other side seems scary.

TBH

I find myself just wanting to take pieces and moments of my life and combine them to form an ideal life. If I could take this part of this year or that moment from that month then I could have full control over how I feel. I admit sometimes I just want things to stay the same. People to not leave. Things to not catch me off guard. But I’m gonna try being more flexible. Breathe. Let go. Not plan every single thing even down to how I want to feel. Just breathe. Learn to let go. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes. 

Rejection = New Opportunities

I look back at all the things I was most nervous about in college and I just sigh with relief and smile with contentment that everything worked out the way God planned. It’s sometimes so annoying to think about taking my own advice of realizing everything works out for the best because in the moment, the emotions and struggle feel so heavy, so strong and so strong. The feeling of not knowing and having plans just take a turn is something that can sometimes just cloud the wisdom I know I have. It’s like how can I possibly not worry when it feels like my whole life just got flipped upside down? Spring quarter of my freshman year, I applied to one of the coveted intern spots for a Boeing program. I was sure this was going to help me get my foot in the door of an amazing company and I wouldn’t have to worry about my career options if I just succeeded as an intern. I felt it would probably even help my chances of getting into the business school! After the workshops and getting my application reviewed numerous times, I was hoping for good news. When I found out I didn’t get that internship, I was devastated. That, in my mind, was the path I needed to succeed. But you know what, it just wasn’t meant. I did have an unpaid internship that year but made the most of my experiences and let that shine during the application process for business and for my next internship at T-Mobile. That was 3 years ago. I thought one thing was going to lead me to landing a great job but my route changed for the better.

As I type this, it’s like wow I really need to take my own advice lol. There’s still some things in my personal life occurring and I’m just like “why?”. I really can’t see where God is going with this. What is to come of this? Again, I’m full of plans and meticulous about each step I take. I could do everything I think is “right” and it still no work out they way I expect it. I don’t know everything. I can’t control everything, no matter how far in advance I plan. It’s okay. Like with the Boeing internship, just because that didn’t work out it didn’t mean I wouldn’t get other internships and lead me to landing a full-time position in marketing at Microsoft. So I still don’t have explanations for everything that happens in life but that’s just why I have to take it step by step and daibydai.

 

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divadaizha

Exploring the world and my hair one dai at a time.

2 thoughts on “Someone Who Plans Everything Learning to Embrace Series of Changes

  1. Honestly, I am right where you are.
    I am still in University, have two years to go and I have always dreamed of the end, but sometimes it just all overwhelms me when I’d be out in the world. Being in school gives me a purpose, study hard read and excel. After that, what’s next?. I’ve learnt that the future will work out its way, but if we keep up bothering about it we just might forget how to live for ourselves every day. You know One step at a time.
    https://myyeka.com

    Liked by 2 people

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