Someone Who Plans Everything Learning to Embrace Series of Changes

Hey Daizies!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful year so far. I wanted to take some time to blog about how life is going and what I’m feeling as one chapter in my life closes and another one begins.

February is almost over and just like that I have only 3 weeks of college. I’ve seen 3 weeks and 3 months pass by, so I know it’s only a matter of time before I am finishing the last question of my last final. I’ll walk out of the classroom and that’ll be it. I’ll really be done. I’ve probably dreamed of this day for forever! This quarter is the first quarter since my semester abroad where I could really breathe. I only have two classes and they aren’t the type where I have to put in extra hours to study and go to tutoring and just pray I pass. I’m actually doing just fine. And the thing I smile about is that everything I was worried about during my time in college, worked out to how it was supposed to. These classes that I feel confident about are both Information Systems classes. The subject I was so nervous and sometimes felt inadequate of taking or even adding it as my second business concentration. It worked out.

It Feels Good to Breathe

I wake up on Mondays, whenever I want just as long as it’s before 12:15pm. I go to class and lowkey can’t wait till it’s over. I don’t have a to-do list full of things I so desperately need to finish. I could go to the gym, go to the mall, get my nails done, and even come home and watch 2000s black movies.  It feels so good to breathe. I worked so so hard to be in the place where I have my dream job after college and where I can feel good about what I’ve done in college. I’ll never forget the grind though. Last quarter up until about mid-November, it was rush rush rush. Every hour of the day was dedicated towards something school or recruiting related. And any moment or second I wasn’t busy felt like I was wasting time. I’d be lucky if I could sneak in an episode while I tied my hair up for the night and woke up to do the same thing over again. I remember the panic in my heart as I knew this one test could make or break my ability to stay above a certain GPA which meant scholarships, job opportunities, or even getting into my major. I remember going to office hours twice a week, finding the perfect Youtube professor, and reading the lectures and book chapters before class for a whole quarter, only to get a 2.0 in the class in the end. I remember calculating my grades and assignments mid-quarter to see what the absolute worst case scenario could be that still meant passing the class. I struggled up until my senior year when I thought everything would suddenly become easier. I worked so so hard. And now it’s time to celebrate and just be proud of myself.

A Little Nervous Though

Sometimes my heart beats a little faster thinking about a whole new life ahead. A different schedule. Different responsibilities. Moving. Figuring things out. Having a real job. This routine, people around me, and the atmosphere are all so familiar. I’m comfortable. It’s comforting. So yes I’m a little nervous of having college end. I’m gonna miss the experience. The experience of growing up and learning. Finding things to do around Seattle, the memories, and the excitement of college life. But I am so glad I did everything I wanted to do in college. I took risks. I lived. I know there’s more living to do so I try not to feel like college is the only time I can be fun and adventurous lol! There’s gotta be more on the other side, even though the other side seems scary.

TBH

I find myself just wanting to take pieces and moments of my life and combine them to form an ideal life. If I could take this part of this year or that moment from that month then I could have full control over how I feel. I admit sometimes I just want things to stay the same. People to not leave. Things to not catch me off guard. But I’m gonna try being more flexible. Breathe. Let go. Not plan every single thing even down to how I want to feel. Just breathe. Learn to let go. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes. 

Rejection = New Opportunities

I look back at all the things I was most nervous about in college and I just sigh with relief and smile with contentment that everything worked out the way God planned. It’s sometimes so annoying to think about taking my own advice of realizing everything works out for the best because in the moment, the emotions and struggle feel so heavy, so strong and so strong. The feeling of not knowing and having plans just take a turn is something that can sometimes just cloud the wisdom I know I have. It’s like how can I possibly not worry when it feels like my whole life just got flipped upside down? Spring quarter of my freshman year, I applied to one of the coveted intern spots for a Boeing program. I was sure this was going to help me get my foot in the door of an amazing company and I wouldn’t have to worry about my career options if I just succeeded as an intern. I felt it would probably even help my chances of getting into the business school! After the workshops and getting my application reviewed numerous times, I was hoping for good news. When I found out I didn’t get that internship, I was devastated. That, in my mind, was the path I needed to succeed. But you know what, it just wasn’t meant. I did have an unpaid internship that year but made the most of my experiences and let that shine during the application process for business and for my next internship at T-Mobile. That was 3 years ago. I thought one thing was going to lead me to landing a great job but my route changed for the better.

As I type this, it’s like wow I really need to take my own advice lol. There’s still some things in my personal life occurring and I’m just like “why?”. I really can’t see where God is going with this. What is to come of this? Again, I’m full of plans and meticulous about each step I take. I could do everything I think is “right” and it still no work out they way I expect it. I don’t know everything. I can’t control everything, no matter how far in advance I plan. It’s okay. Like with the Boeing internship, just because that didn’t work out it didn’t mean I wouldn’t get other internships and lead me to landing a full-time position in marketing at Microsoft. So I still don’t have explanations for everything that happens in life but that’s just why I have to take it step by step and daibydai.

 

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Journey to Italy|First Day Nervousness and Excitement

I am here!!!!!!!!!

After months of thinking about this day, I am finally here in Milan. I am currently wide awake and flipping through multiple tabs on my computer. It is nearly 3 am lol! I took a long 7 1/2 hour “nap” after arriving to my dorm. I was feeling very exhausted, physically and mentally overwhelmed from the basically 24 hour travelling and emotional departure leaving home. I have pretty much been in my room ever since arriving. Unpacked most things and made lots of phone calls to keep myself company. I am looking forward to starting my journey tomorrow as I will be making my way to the school to pick up my student ID and register for some walking tours. I am just ready to have fun already and have friends. I need to be patient, clearly, considering I literally just arrived. I just want to be acclimated and used to everything already. I remember feeling this way on the first night I arrived to London. I was so ready to have the fun everyone said I would have. Ready to experience what I was hoping for and to have fun people to make memories with. Well it’s the same right now. There isn’t much to do on the first night when it’s literally the middle of the night and I haven’t been around many students to even initiate friendships, and that’s okay. The right people will come.

Anyways, McDonald’s is truly on my mind. I can only imagine how fancy it must taste in Milan haha. I am so glad I brought a bag of snacks filled with bagels, jello cups, pop-tarts, fruit snacks, and an apple. Those snacks really came in handy during the plane ride and now seeing as how I was too tired to find a grocery store here. I was very delighted that my airline provided dinner AND breakfast. I was like “look at God!”. I had a more pleasant experience flying this long journey. Last year I felt dizzy and a little nauseated by the flying motion and the flight just seem EXTREMELY long. This time around I at least slept 2-3 hours on each flight. I had the chance to watch The Intern, a few episodes of Fresh Prince, and Person of Interest. I then listened to some podcasts, The Read and Another Round, to make me laugh and keep me in good spirits.

I know these last couple of days have been very exhausting for me. I cried so many times just preparing to leave. It’s scary leaving home and going all the way across the world. Will I have fun? Will I be homesick too much?  Will living in the dorm be a hassle or should I have just gotten an apartment? Is this still a good decision?  I can’t speak Italian lol how will I get by?  Will I make friends I can be myself with? These are all things that were and still are running through my mind. I literally don’t know the answer to these things which is why I want to be adjusted already and find out the answers lol. I’m trying my best to just relax and take things one day at a time. I will look back at this like haha why in the world was I so worried? It was starting to feel like my fears and anxiety were taking over the more I thought about how this is the boldest move I’ve ever made. But I overcame it. I may have cried and did a lot of overthinking, but at the end of the day I got my butt on that plane and I’m here right now. It’s okay to feel nervous. I know how I am and I am still learning how to not worry and to tend to my own emotions when I am feeling anxious about something.

I discovered my favorite scripture about 5 years ago when I was a freshman in high school. I was worried about something and came across Matthew 6:34 which says “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own”. That whole chapter describes how much God cares about even the birds in the air and how those birds ain’t worried about a thing so why should I? Worrying doesn’t add a single hour to my life. So after I’m done worrying… the situation is literally still there but only hours of stress have passed. Then in the end, it’s like all taken care of. I’m gonna have to go reread that chapter honestly. It’s good to just reread things and get it through my head again. Thinking back to times like this when I didn’t know the future but it felt like a really huge deal. Getting into UW, leaving home for college, whether I would pass ECON 200, leaving the country for the first time to the UK,  and the entire admissions process to the Foster School. Each different experiences that required acknowledging my fears and putting my trust in the Lord. Looking at each thing I typed out and being on the other side of those events, everything turned out okay. The same feelings were behind them whether it was just feeling overwhelmed, anxious, helpless, stressed, or like it was the most important decision in the world. I got accepted to UW which was my top choice, I ended up really enjoying being in college and living in Seattle. I know I barely passed ECON 200 with an acceptable grade and was looking at about 4 back-up majors once I saw my grade, but with even that I was accepted into business school. Look at God! No seriously, look at him. And we all know how much I loved London so that’s self explanatory lol. This is a brand new experience and I know it will turn out great just like the rest of the things I was excited or nervous about.

This post is longer than I expected but it was a good chance for me to get everything written out and release the rest of my worries. I freed up some space on my phone so I can take some fire pictures tomorrow. I recorded my travels through airports and will make it into a travel vlog soon. I also have a DIY honey and olive oil deep conditioning video I plan on uploading to Youtube. Don’t worry, I will still keep my Youtube videos coming!

Time to walk in my destiny! I’m putting into the atmosphere that this will be one of the best experiences of my life. I will learn more about myself and grow tremendously as a person. I attract great people and form amazing friendships. I will remain safe and healthy throughout this entire trip. I will laugh, not worry, dance, eat, save money and have the time of my life!

Taking it step by step and Dai by Dai 😉